Dinner, Raw & Unedited: The Grass is Always Greener

by Hillary Mortensen

I have a confession to make, particularly in light of my earlier post about surrendering and confession. To be honest, it's something that I cringe at the thought of sharing, but...well...there is freedom to be found in honesty and forgiveness.

I seriously have a problem with envy.

So much so, in fact, that in spite of all of the grief, heartache, loneliness, confusion, and sorrow that Amy has felt over the last weeks, I have envied her. And Adam. I have read and re-read her blog posts about how much she loves him, how much he loves her, and all the ways she is expressing love in her time with and service to him. While I would like to say that all of my thoughts when reading the stories are honorable, many are not. If you can believe it, I am overwhelmed by the times I've thought things like this:

Wow. It must be nice to feel so wanted.

What if I were in a coma? Who would be at my side, singing to me, bathing me, etc.? No one is like a spouse in this regard. I clearly don't have one.

Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

Yuck. I'll stop there. I hope you're getting the picture. Let me tell you, all of the time in recent weeks spent praying and reflecting have allowed me, like it or not, to face some pretty harsh realities about the defects in my character. Envy is a very serious and very real product of my discontentment in my own life circumstances.

Are you experiencing any feelings of envy? Do you envy the single person, the married person? The student, the professional? The young, the old? The childless, those with children? The rich, the poor? The self-employed, the corporately employed, the unemployed?

I know I find myself like the Israelites, who, after everything God had done for them, "grumbled and deplored their situation." (Numbers 14:2) However, Joyce Meyer provides a helpful reminder in her book Battlefield of the Mind:

The Bible...gives us no liberty to feel sorry for ourselves. Instead, we are to encourage and edify one another in the Lord.

There is a true gift of compassion, which is having a godly pity toward others who are hurting, and spending our life relieving their suffering. But self-pity is perverted, because it is taking something that God intended to be given to others and turning it in on ourselves.

After all, as Proverbs 14:30 points out, "A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot." My bones are rotting! I don't know about you, but I would prefer that my bones remain in good health. (Seriously, my back, hips, and knees have been killing me, and I must wonder if envy is playing a role.)

Instead, let's think on those things described in Philippians 4:8 so that we may have life and have it to the full:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me --- practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Let's confess to God the discontentment we face today and any resulting feelings of envy. Let's ask for His help in keeping our minds set on the things described above, so that our self-pity would be transformed into godly compassion. And may our compassionate hearts move us to pray for Adam and for each of his immediate family members who are on a long and difficult journey, one on which they, too, can find true contentment as they rest in the arms of God and dwell only on those things worthy of their thoughts.