Lunchtime Confessions

by Hillary Mortensen


It’s lunchtime, and hopefully today you’ve been drawing closer to God today, maybe closer than you have in a long time…or ever. Perhaps you are truly experiencing God’s promise to draw close to you as you draw close to Him and intercede in prayer on behalf of Adam and his family.


On the other hand, maybe you’re feeling discouraged because you just aren’t “getting it.” We fast, we pray, we worship, we read Scripture and still, you don’t know that you feel very close to God, so you don’t know if it’s working and maybe you’re wondering if it’s all worth it. After all, lunch sounds pretty good about now, doesn’t it?


Take heart. God hears your prayers and honors obedience. (Keep praying for Adam to heal!) Still, I am familiar with a longing to be (and feel) closer to God. One night recently, I was in tears: “I get it God. I need to love you more than I do, but how? How do I love you more? What do I need to do?”


God, in His infinite wisdom and perfect timing, directed me to this portion of the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan:


Tell Him how you feel. Tell Him that He isn’t the most important thing in this life to you, and that you’re sorry for that. Tell Him that you’ve been lukewarm, that you’ve chosen _________ over Him time and again. Tell Him that you want Him to change you, that you long to genuinely enjoy Him. Tell Him how you want to experience true satisfaction and pleasure and joy in your relationship with Him. Tell Him you want to love Him more than anything on this earth. Tell Him you want to treasure the kingdom of heaven so much that you’d willingly sell everything in order to get it. Tell Him what you like about Him, what you appreciate, and what brings you joy.


I don’t know about you, but I want that! At that point, a few tears streamed down my face in thankfulness that it is NOT about what I do to be in relationship with God, but rather, it’s about what God has already done in sending His Son, Jesus, to die for my sins, thereby restoring my relationship to God. I can rely on God to increase my faith in and grow my love for Him.


Ephesians 2:8,9
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast.”


This passage also reminded me that I must allow God to sit on the throne of my life, directing each of my steps. If we give priority to anything or anyone over Him, this is sin, and sin separates us from God, definitely affecting our ability to find true satisfaction in Him.


Romans 3:23
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”


Psalm 139:23,24
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”


Take a few moments and ask God to examine your heart. Sit and listen. Wait for God to bring to mind anything and everything (or at least one thing) that is coming between you and God. Whether it’s disobedience, addiction, pride, gossip, relationships, grudges, filthy talk, use of time, violence, self-sufficiency, untrue or impure thoughts, sexual immorality, finances, hardness of heart, selfishness, or otherwise, confess your sin to God. Thankfully, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9) Turn from that sin and pursue God whole-heartedly. In this, you will find freedom, and you will experience deeper intimacy with God.


As you listen to this song. Lord, Move Me by FFH, notice the artist’s plea for the Lord to move him closer to Himself. He recognizes that he needs God’s intervention to draw him closer. He also understands his part, singing, “So I got to leave myself behind, take up this cross of mine, give away everything I hold onto.”


May we all let go, and let God.

Psalm 51:10-12
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore unto me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.