Night: Is it Me, Lord?

This week’s united day of fasting and prayer for Adam has been a totally different experience for me than last week. I feel like I have been more distracted. I took less time to meditate on the scriptures and thoughts posted on this blog. I did not shed a tear. Is there something wrong with me?

When I listened to Lord, Move Me, in Lunchtime Confessions, the lyrics seemed to describe some of my feelings.

Today, my daughters posted devotionals. How grateful I was for their contributions. They did a wonderful job responding to Amy’s blog post on Monday (Sow in Tears Reap With Songs of Joy).

As the day progressed, I began to wonder if too much focus had been placed on us (the “fasters”), and our relationships with God. After all, this is supposed to be about Adam, right? Then, I followed some my own advice and decided to be still and listen.

I heard statements from various individuals talking about many people’s lives being changed as a result of Adam’s accident. Then, the obvious hit me right between the eyes. Here is the answer to my “Why?” Or, at least an answer to part of the question.

People’s lives are being changed. God is using Adam (this is the part that is still a mystery to which only God knows the answer) to change lives. So, I begin to wonder “whose lives?” and “what changes?” God desires.

I began re-reading the posts, beginning with my own, last night. Words and phrases begin jumping out at me — unbelief; God deserves our worship and praise; schedule more time to meet with God; realign our priorities; ask God to examine your heart; you must be patient; passionate prayer; thanking God; waiting for God’s perfect timing.

Oh, my, I think to myself. These are all things that I need to get better at. Horror sets in. What if God is waiting on me?

Psalm 139:23,24

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”